Have you ever read some of the famous last words of those who were about to leave this world? Some are flippant, some humorous, and others quite sobering.

Do you wish you spent more time at work?

One of the most telling things, however, is that none of them seems to have wished for more time at the office. That’s another way of saying that they had another life outside of work. There were other things in their lives that were at least as important to them as pleasing their customers or their colleagues.

That’s quite revealing when you think about it. You can be sure that if the results of sacrificing their families, their friends, hobbies and so on, were that rewarding that you wouldn’t hear of anyone express regret for having missed out on watching their kids grow up, for example. As you know, however; that’s not what happens. And so it means that if you are in the habit of bending over backwards in order to please everyone, whether customers or colleagues, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. 

As Abraham Lincoln said

The 16^th President of the United States once said that, “You can please some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”. (http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/281050-you-can-please-some-of-the-people-some-of-the)

This is relevant for you, because no matter how hard you try, someone will always be disappointed. Someone will always want more than you’re offering or will want it in a different way.

Everyone means no one

There’s something else you need to understand and that is that when you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.

Think about it. Not only do people want different things, quite often what they want are opposites. In other words, in order for one party to win, the other has to lose. If you try to do both, then you won’t be able to do either; and, as a result, you’ll earn the reputation of someone who lacks conviction. You be seen as someone who can’t make up his or her mind.

You can’t be wishy-washy. To mix our metaphors, you have to nail your colours to the mast and then let the chips fall where they may.

Pressure from customers is one thing; expectations from colleagues are quite another. If customers can get what they want from you, then about the worst thing that can happen is that you’ll never see them again.

Workmates are a different kettle of fish altogether. They can apply overt and covert peer pressure. They can make you feel badly about yourself by not acceding to their demands. And they can make you feel like you’re letting them down – something which team players, and those who wish they were, feel is anathema.

Just me please!

There’s a funny thing about all this, and that is that everyone in your organisation knows that you can’t please everyone; and the fact is that most of them don’t care either. They really only want you to please them. And that means that whatever pressure you feel to please everyone is self-induced. It is you who is placing yourself under unnecessary pressure. No one else.

You already know if you’re a people pleaser. The question is, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to let it control your life? Are you going to carry on as before, believing that things will get better after this or that particular deadline has passed? If so, then look at your track record. There’s likely to be a pattern.

Recognize your behaviour for what it is, and then figure out how to change it. You’ll be glad you did.

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