You’ve probably never thought about this much, the idea that what you do, rather than what you say, carries the most weight.

The fact is that your organisation’s culture is what it is largely because of what you and your team do routinely. Your collective behaviour sends messages that you probably would never say to someone’s face; yet they are having a far greater impact.

What are some of those messages?

 

Too busy

A classic is that you’re too busy for them.

This is particularly noticeable by your demeanour. You’re always rushing. You’re always in a hurry. You talk fast, interrupt others when they try to say something, and generally are unapproachable.

And you certainly don’t wander around to say, “Hi” to everyone after the day begins.

 

Skip meetings

You also skip meetings; even those you call. Instead, you send a “representative”.

That has about as much influence as sending the young American Indian, Sacheen Littlefeather, to the Academy Awards on your behalf. That’s what Marlon Brando did when he declined the award for The Godfather. He couldn’t be bothered to show up and do it himself. His career continued until his death. Hers died that night.

If meetings that you’re expected to attend or that you call, no less, aren’t important enough for you to be there, then they’re probably a waste of everyone else’s time, too.

 

Skip training

Just because you’re the CEO, the CFO, the CTO or any other senior executive doesn’t mean that you know it all.

You need training just as much as anyone else. You may need it more, if only to help you to reconnect with the people in your company.

When you insist that everyone else goes but you, you’re telling them that you’re too good for it. That’s how it comes across, whether that’s what you intend or not.

 

Door closed

There’s no sense in telling everyone that you have an open-door policy if you keep yours closed all the time.

If you’re having a confidential chat with someone or making a sensitive phone call, then that’s one thing. People understand.

If, on the other hand, you are doing nothing more than your day-to-day work, then you have no excuse. Managers manage people, and you can’t

do that if you can’t see them and, more importantly, they can’t see you.

 

Don’t listen

Communication is mostly about listening. In order to listen, you have to stop talking.

If you’re doing all the talking, huffing and puffing, looking at your watch and so on, then you’re not listening. You know it and so does everyone else.

 

Never smile

What does a smile convey?

It could be happiness. Usually it’s much more than that.

It suggests that you are at peace with yourself.

You’re relaxed.

You’re happy to speak with people.

If you never smile, then you rest assured that people will stay well clear of you. They’ll be too frightened not to.

 

Constant email / address people in the third person

Some managers send out more messages than Trump sends tweets.

Everyone gets them all the time.

They’re never personally addressed.

Everyone is referred to in the third person.

That means that they are peppered with words like “those”, “them”, “their” and “they”.

 

What should you do?

Now that you know what not to do, you need to think about what you ought to do.

You see, true communication is deliberate, and so everything you do and say has to be consistent with it; otherwise people will largely ignore what you say and only pay attention to what you do.

You’ve probably said the same thing about others.

 

Make time for people

The first thing you have to do is to make time for people. You need to make yourself available to those you work for.

If you’re too busy for them, then you’re too busy to be a manager.

The act of management is to engage with people. That’s your job.

It’s the difference between flying a cargo plane and flying a plane full of passengers. If you’re a manager, then your plane is filled with passengers.

 

Show people that you care about them

You’re not in a competition with your people. You’re there to help them do their jobs better.

You do that by proving to them that you don’t think it’s all about you.

What does, “it’s all about me” look like?

Managers who routinely take credit that belongs to others is a perfect example.

You need to get out of the way and let your people get the glory.

Try shouldering the blame when things go wrong, but giving them the credit when they work out as they should. Many managers do the opposite.

 

Have a cuppa with them

For some inexplicable reason, there’s something about having coffee or tea, or even a meal with someone that advances a relationship like nothing else.

Even if you go Dutch, the degree of bonding is nothing short of amazing. Maybe that’s why couples have dinner on dates.

If you do this with a group, it needs to be a small one: No more than three or four people. Just like a team, anything bigger than that and you end up with sub-groups.

If there’s six of you, for example, then what’s likely to happen is that you’ll end up talking to two of them, two or three of them will have their own conversation, unless they’re too scared to say anything, and the sixth one will end up not talking to anyone.

The goal is to get to know everyone you’re with, and that’s much easier to do one-on-one.

So, if your company is small enough, say around 50, make it a point to take each one to lunch once per year. If it’s bigger than that, then introduce that idea to those you supervise. The extra £10 per week you spend on a pub lunch will do more to build relationships and enhance communication than anything else.

Do this with all of your immediate reports, and encourage each of them to do the same thing with theirs. Cascade this all the way down through your organisation.

 

Practice smiling

If you naturally look serious, then do 100 smiles in front of the mirror before leaving for work, a smile a second will take less than two minutes. You’ll be laughing so hard that you’ll be in a good mood throughout your journey.

If you feel your spirits sagging a bit at work – that is, if you feel that you have to force yourself to smile, take the mirror out of your desk drawer, which you keep there for this very purpose, and smile, big, 100 times.

 

Write only personal emails

Avoid the plague of writing emails to a nebulous general body of recipients. Instead, address people by name.

Better still, go see him / her in person.

That personal touch helps to keep everything low key and friendly.

Too often, messages feel much more “official” than they need to because they come via your inbox.

If you do have to write an email, then strive – that means really work at it – to make it as friendly as possible. There’s no reason to create fear where none was intended.

 

Attend all the meetings you call, as well as those where you are expected to be there.

Meetings should be rare occurrences, but when they’re necessary, you need to go to them if a) you call them or b) you’re expected to be there.

If you really can’t make it, then postpone it or cancel it altogether. Short of a bona fide emergency, if you’re too busy, then the meeting probably wasn’t that important.

 

Attend the same training that you expect others to go to.

There will be exceptions, but not as many as you think. Don’t make a habit of missing them.

If there’s a fire drill in the building, you have to leave; if there are safety training sessions that affect everyone, then you have to go.

Training is rarely for everyone, except you.

 

Learn to listen.

Even if someone is telling your grandmother how to suck eggs, listen politely.

Resist the temptation to interrupt, to sigh, to roll your eyes, to look at your watch or your mobile phone.

And never say, “I know that”.

 

If you make a special effort to do the things you should and avoid the things you shouldn’t, then the communication in your organisation will occur as it should.

People will want to talk to you, to give you their ideas, to get your advice, and to make suggestions.

Isn’t that what you want?

 

If this is something you want to talk through – contact me here