There can be an inherent stress that employees experience when they receive feedback from you. That’s because unless you give them solid evidence to the contrary, they can’t be sure of what the nature of it is.

You see, feedback can be anything from banter to formal discipline.

In the case of reprimands, for example, there can be no doubt as to the nature of the exchange.

Banter, however, is an entirely different affair; but it needs to be treated with equal caution.

Feedback

When you have a friendly conversation with your employees, each time you respond, you are giving feedback. You are feeding-back your thoughts. And when they talk to you, they are feeding-back their thoughts. As long as the perception by both parties is that this is nothing more than a friendly chat, stress levels remain low or non-existent. But, as soon as the stakes are raised, stress increases.

How could that happen?

Criticism

One way that stress goes up in any conversation is when there is criticism. That’s because it stimulates our defences. It puts us on our guard. It makes us more circumspect. It causes us to watch our words and to start thinking more about how to preserve what is most important rather than to venture out into waters unknown.

This is something that you must keep in mind anytime you give feedback, especially when what you have to say is intended to help people improve their performance. In your mind, it may be nothing more than that; but in theirs a comparison is being made. They may not be thinking of it in so many words, but they will have mixed feelings. Some will experience this to a greater or lesser extent than others.

The comparison they feel will be different from the one that you assume is occurring. This is key to the success of the feedback you give because if you think it’s one thing and they think that it’s something else, the results will also be different. Not only will you fail to achieve what you had hoped, you’re also likely to demotivate those you hoped to encourage.

What are they thinking?

So what are they thinking?

The first thing is that they’re considering what their behaviour has been to date.

Let’s say, for example, that in your organisation the stipulated hours of work are nine to five, with the statutory hour for lunch. And in this instance, let’s suppose that you have a few employees who arrive at twenty past nine. The first few times, you put it down to a fluke, after all they were new to the area and hadn’t quite gotten the hang of rush hour traffic. But now it’s beginning to look more like that’s going to be their habit from now on.

How would you respond?

Think about it.

Let’s add a little more information.

They always work until five-thirty. Always. Sometimes they work through all or part of their lunchtime.

The plot thickens.

Now what do you suppose these people will be thinking if you start criticising them for arriving 20 minutes “late”?

They will think to themselves that they are already giving you the full eight hours and then some more, every day. If asked, they’ll readily admit that they should be there at nine, but will quickly point out that they are putting in the time that they are expected to; that is, that the company isn’t losing out. They may even have very good reasons why nine o’clock doesn’t work for them.

The problem is that if you don’t approach this situation the right way, then you could lose their commitment and maybe even their employment.

Is this a problem?

Would this be a problem for you?

That rather depends on how you look at it.

The workplace today bears almost no resemblance to what it did even 20 years ago. Believe it or not, the current generation is just as committed to doing its best as any that has gone before it; but they have a different way of doing so, and that has tended to frighten a lot of managers in attempting to exert greater controls rather than to permit employees to live up to the potential that they claim they all have.

Some employees can handle greater freedoms than others. They have more self-discipline. They can be relied upon to get the job done to a high standard and on time; and managers know that these people will stay for as long as is necessary in order to do so.

Not everyone is like that, however. So why must you treat them all as if they were?

Flex time is an obvious solution in this example, though many managers are uncomfortable with the idea because it prevents them from treating everyone in exactly the same way.

What else are they thinking?

Quite often, though not always, employees are doing their best. They want to do good work. Part of that is because it makes them feel worthwhile – that they are doing something that matters – and part of it is because they want to give value to you. And that being the case, when you criticise them, they also start to think about how they can close the gap between their best and what you want.

You must recognise this.

What’s the goal?

It’s true that some are slovenly, but providing feedback to them in many ways is no different than it is for those who are doing their best. That’s because in both cases, the outcome you desire is the same.

You want their performance to improve.

Isn’t that it? Isn’t it because you want to encourage people to do better work that you give them any feedback at all?

When you tell people in word or deed how much you appreciate their work, that encourages them to do more of it. And when you show them, in a positive way, how they can improve, that, too, may lead to better performance.

How do you take the stress out of feedback?

So how do you take the stress out of feedback?

The bog-standard response is to create a “comment-sandwich”. Say something nice, then offer your criticism, and then say something nice again.

You have to be really good to pull this off. Everyone knows about it; and if you can’t do this naturally and convincingly, then it will come across as a formula – as something mechanical.

You’ll sound like an idiot for trying, and you will be unable to get the results you want.

There’s a better way to do this.

It’s to present the result you’re trying to achieve in the form of a problem that only the employee concerned can solve. And you have to keep it impersonal. In other words, you can’t say, “I’m trying to figure out what I have to do to help you to get your act together”.

Instead, you could say, “We – that’s your section or department, the people you claim are your team – are struggling to meet our customer service targets. We’ve tried A, B, and C. What else do you think we could do?” And then send that person off to create a solution.

That’s how you develop people, and it’s how you encourage them.

If you want to improve the impact of the feedback in your team please email me