Although it’s seldom a good idea to try to be funny when establishing a new business relationship, humour does have a way of advancing it. That’s because part of the process of getting to know anyone is a willingness to make yourself vulnerable to the other person.

Our willingness to do this comes from the trust we have in the other person not to belittle or to take advantage of us.

The more we trust someone, the more we open ourselves up to that person.

This is how friendships begin.

 

How friendships develop

Friendship begins with shared interests or experiences. It could be that they meet people at an event or club that caters to a hobby they both enjoy. It could be that they meet at work and find that they connect – that they understand each other better than others in the workplace.       

Friendships develop as mutual trust deepens over a period of time. The more trust, the better the friendship.

Often, you will hear wives refer to their husbands as their best friends, and vice versa. That’s because neither of them trusts any other to the same extent. Each knows the other through and through, and what was only friendship blossoms into love.

 

How do friends act with one another?

For one thing, those who are friends do everything together better than they do with those who are strangers or who even dislike one another.

In our minds, those who we don’t know or don’t like are unpredictable. We don’t know what they’ll do. We’re pretty sure that whatever it is, it won’t be with our best interests in mind.

Friends always want you to succeed. They want you to do better than they themselves have done.

People who have fun working and playing together also want to spend more time with each other. They’d rather be with their friends than on their own.

This has ramifications for the workplace. Those who want to work together also don’t want to stay home. Even if they’re really too sick to be at work, they would rather drag themselves in than miss out on the positive reinforcement that being with their friends gives them. In other words, they get an emotional boost by being with their friends.

You see, friends are much more willing to cut each other a bit of slack. They give one another the benefit of the doubt. And those things make for a much smoother operation. It’s hard to be productive, for example, if you have to tiptoe around someone, so to speak.

 

It’s all about the relationship

What we’ve been describing is the relationship between and among friends.

Mature relationships are necessary in order for there to be shared humour. That’s because when we laugh at something, we’re revealing something about ourselves. In other words, we make ourselves vulnerable by letting those around us appreciate something about our inner self.

Laughter is the uncontrollable outburst of a positive emotion. When we laugh together, we are sharing the same emotion.

That is a powerful incentive for developing any relationship. The reason is that when we laugh, it makes us feel good about ourselves. It releases some of those brain chemicals that you’ve heard about which affect our mood.

And the thing is that the more mature the relationship is, the easier and more natural it will be to share humour in the future.

We’ll be able to laugh together at the same things, including the quirks and idiosyncrasies that make us and them who we and they are.

 

Workplace

In the workplace, it’s vital that good relationships exist among all employees. To be sure, some people will be closer to others. That’s normal. However, it’s important for all relationships to be friendly. Not friend-like, but friendly. The difference is that the former can be the result of good acting, whereas the latter is genuine.

That doesn’t mean that everyone has to be your best friend. It only means that you have some level of friendship with each person that you work with.

It may require some effort on your part to achieve this, but it will be well worth it; and if you don’t have this kind of relationship with everyone that you work with, then you’d better get busy and start developing it.

Much depends on your success in doing so.

That’s due in part to the fact that good relationships lie at the heart of workplace productivity. If you want to achieve more personally, then it will be much easier to be friendly with everyone you meet.

No one naturally wants to help a jerk, but most will bend over backwards to help someone they like.

It’s up to you.

At work, the principle thing should be to strengthen relationships, and the right kind of humour can do that.

                                                                     

Benefits of shared humour

Shared humour has a number of benefits.

1. The first is that it releases tension, either individually or as a group.

You know this from your own experience.

You read something funny or observe an event which is humorous to you, and it helps you to relax. It’s one reason why sitcoms are so popular. Viewers are able to relate to the characters and are able to laugh at themselves because they see themselves or people they know personified on the screen.

Humour also lightens the atmosphere. It enables people to have fun, even for a moment. People take themselves less seriously. They reveal their humanity.

These are all good things.

 

2. Shared humour puts everyone on a level playing field.

It makes everyone transparent and encourages engagement. That’s because you’re also sharing similar vulnerabilities.

That’s because we each see others as being like us. And, as it happens, you are. You’ve just shared a common experience and saw the funny side of it.

And the fact is that we like those who are like us. We trust those who are like us, and we confide in those who are like us because we believe that they will understand us better.

 

3. Shared humour motivates

Managers are constantly looking for ways to motivate their staff. Well, here’s a way.

Shared humour motivates people because it promotes positive emotion. It makes you feel good about yourself. When you feel good about yourself, the whole world looks better. You want to do more; not less.                  

Anytime we can experience that feeling, we are more likely to work that little bit harder.

 

4. Shared humour encourages teamwork

People who like to be together also produce more together. Teams are a great idea, but the team members have to like being together. It’s absolutely fundamental to their success.

Banter can take the form of humour. It can be a little light teasing of others. [Look this up in thesaurus – phone or internet.]

It also brings to bear a certain peer pressure. You’re more likely to find that things that your friends think are funny are also funny to you. Recall how awkward it feels when your friends tell a joke or refer to an incident they think is funny, but which you don’t.

Because they are your friends, you’re likely to smirk. You may wonder how they could have misjudged you by thinking that whatever they said would be funny to you.

 

5. Shared humour is an effective training tool

We tend to remember those things, good or bad, that have a strong emotional attachment.

A well-timed joke or pun couple with a new principle will cement that principle and even its exact wording on your conscience for life.

You’ve probably noticed this yourself. You’ve listened to a speaker, at a conference, for example. You remember the humorous stories he / she told and the point that that person was trying to make.

Why?

Because anytime we have a strong emotional experience, we also remember the circumstances that surrounded it. And so, if you had a good belly laugh when someone was pressing home a point, then you’ll remember it.

 

Caveat

There is one important caveat, and that is that humour is very individual. Even though you and your friends may share the same sense of humour, those in other cultures won’t.

What’s funny in one culture, won’t be funny and could even be offensive in another.

An obvious example is the difference between British and American humour. British humour has two, three or more levels of understanding to it. American humour tends to have only one level, and it is the one that takes whatever is said literally. If your humour depends on subtleties, then your American counterpart probably won’t get it.

 

Here’s another example.

An Englishman, a Welshman, and an Irishman go into a bar. What happens next?

It really doesn’t matter because whatever it is, the Irishman will be the one who makes a fool of himself.

Why is that? Because we in the UK like to tell Irish jokes.

But think about this. Do you think that the Irish find them funny?

Let’s think of it another way. Do you think an Irishman in a pub who overheard you telling one of these jokes would find it funny? Do you think that he / she would come over to your booth, tell you how funny it was in his Irish brogue, and ask if you knew any others?

Probably not. That’s because we prefer to laugh with people at things that we all think are funny; but we don’t like to be the brunt of the joke.

As an experiment, read a humorous story where the Irishman is the deadbeat and then change it so that your nationality is the one that messes up.

Does it still feel as funny as it did when you read it in its original form?

It’s one thing to be “roasted” by your friends. It’s quite another to be the victim of a perverse and malicious insult.

 

Homework

For your homework, recall the last time that you recognised the funny side of something you did at work. Then find someone at work who will appreciate it and share it with that person.

Then look for ways that you can encourage others to be this candid. To do that, you’ll have to set the right tone. That means that they will have to feel that it’s safe to make themselves that vulnerable.

You’re going to be busy.

 

If you would like to explore these ideas further, or have a great joke – contact me here